


a future with you

by forbiddenquill



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-06
Updated: 2014-11-06
Packaged: 2018-02-22 13:17:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2509190
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/forbiddenquill/pseuds/forbiddenquill
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Elle turns out to be very alive/undead and Laura has to deal with some unwanted feelings about this.</p>
            </blockquote>





	a future with you

Elle was alive.

Of course she was alive. If there was anything Laura had learned from books and movies, the characters you  _thought_  were dead were still very much alive. And knowing that Elle—the girl Carmilla had first loved, the only girl she probably loved—was walking around and following orders from the Dean made Laura feel both antsy and…disappointed.

She first found out when Carmilla walked in one night, stumbling in the dark and using her vampire vision to find her way to the refrigerator. Laura had woken up, dazed and confused when she realized that the other girl was crying softly, emitting soft sniffles that seemed to stab a hole in Laura’s heart. She carefully pushed away her blankets and fumbled for the light switch.

“Carmilla?” she murmured, her voice scratchy with sleep.

Lights flared up all around her and she rubbed at her eyes, wiping the sleep off. Carmilla was leaning against the refrigerator, staring at the stars as she drank a glass of fresh blood. Her dark eyes, usually sharp with wit and intelligence, seemed strangely off. Laura felt as if she was looking at someone who just walked away from war, broken and never the same again.

“What are you thinking—” Laura was about to say.

She was halfway from her bed when Carmilla, with a flat voice, said,

“Elle’s alive.”

Laura froze. She felt as if she had been doused with cold water, chilling her to the bones as her gaze met Carmilla’s dead eyes. She didn’t know what this meant. Surely, Elle wasn’t really alive. She was alive a few centuries ago, when Carmilla was still wearing corsets and dresses so long you had the ruffles from the floor in order to walk properly. Either Carmilla was lying or Elle was really alive. And if she was alive then this meant…

“Oh,” she said, collapsing back against the mattress. Vampire. Great. Vampire ex-girlfriend. The Dean must’ve turned her while Carmilla was still gasping in the coffin full of blood.

Carmilla walked over to her own bed, her movements sluggish with either shock or exhaustion. She put her glass on the table and for a while, they remained silent. Laura’s heart was twisted in agony and pain for the other girl. How did it feel? To lose someone, thinking that you were never going to see them again, only to find out that they weren’t really gone? Laura wasn’t an expert when it came to Carmilla but she knew for a fact that Carmilla must’ve felt so betrayed.

“Are you okay?” Laura asked.

“I’m  _fine_ ,” Carmilla sneered but then her shoulders sagged and Laura heard her sniffle again. “Actually, scratch that. Screw this. I’m  _not_ fine. For the past decades, I thought she was dead. I thought she was gone forever and here she is, waltzing back into my life, as if she hadn’t caused me the most excruciating pain somebody could ever feel. And it’s—it’s just fucked up, okay?”

Laura didn’t know what she was supposed to do. For a moment, she contemplated reaching out and embracing Carmilla but she didn’t know if the other girl would like that. So she resolved herself to taking a deep breath and saying, “Do you want to talk about it?”

Carmilla’s face was covered in shadows but Laura could plainly see her dark eyes, looking at her the way a cat looked at a mouse. Predatory. Hungry. Concentrating. Finally, the other girl sighed and laid back against the pillows of her bed, licking her lips softly.

“I think I just want to sleep it off.”

"Okay," Laura said, nodding as she reached out to shut the lights off. 

The silence was maddening. For the first time, Laura realized that not hearing Carmilla breathe like a normal person was bothering her. All she had was the silence, reminding her of the Dean and the missing girls and all the crap she had to face. She reached out and curled her fingers around the bat wing charm Carmilla had given her, glad for its purpose. She let out a sigh and whispered, "Carmilla?" 

"Yes, creampuff?" 

"Is--" Laura swallowed the lump in her throat; Carmilla waited patiently. "Is this going to change anything?" 

She wasn't sure what she wanted the answer to be and Carmilla's words did nothing to soothe her misgivings. 

"I don't know," the vampire said plainly. 

Laura wondered if she was lying.

.

"You're jealous," LaFontaine said the next day when Laura expressed her worries that Elle being alive would mean that Carmilla would revert back to her old days. She knew something about love, and love usually meant doing anything and  _everything_  for that person who made you feel like you were flying all the time. There had been a time, when Laura had been pretty sure Danny felt that way about her, but then she had pushed Danny away and Danny had gone and went. 

It still ached, like a wound you can never really get over. 

"I'm not jealous," Laura snapped, sounding more tired than upset. "It's just that--I've worked really hard to get past the whole tying her up to the chair for ten days straight." 

"Hmm." LaFontaine was sitting on Laura's bed, leaning against her yellow pillow. Their red hair shone in the light. "Well, if you think about it, I don't think Carmilla would be too eager to be the Dean's minion again. I mean, she did spent the last centuries tucking girls into safety. That  _must_  mean something, right?" 

Laura wasn't so sure. She remembered the look on Carmilla's eyes. It was like staring into a crushed soul. She dipped her head down and ran her fingers through her hair, worry and fear forming a knot in her chest. She should know better. Hell, she should just  _trust_  Carmilla. They had spent weeks together. Surely, all those times that they've talked and argued and laughed meant something to the vampire. Surely, she wouldn't just leave just because somebody from the past (somebody she had loved) came back from the dead. 

But if Laura was in Carmilla's position, if Laura was suddenly faced with the decision of choosing between the annoying roommate who gagged her with garlic or the girl she loved, the girl she first felt something  _real_ for, then yeah, she might need some time off to actually think that through. Still, it worried her to the point that she couldn’t stop thinking about it. Would Carmilla really leave? Would Laura become one of the brainless girls the Dean took? Would this whole nightmare be over?

LaFontaine reached out and squeezed her shoulder.

“She’s not going to switch sides,” they whispered. “She cares too much about you.”

“Really?” Laura said. “Considering the fact that I tied her up and starved her for days, you seriously don’t think she feels  _nothing_  but resentment for me?”

LaFontaine’s lips quirked into a smile. “Laura, you’re being paranoid. Okay. Since you’re obviously freaking out about this, I’m going to name a few things that Carmilla did. For  _you_. She got you that weird batwing charm you’re still wearing. She bought you expensive champagne. She told you her tragic back story. She saved you from Will, risking her life in the process. Laura, she  _stayed_  for you. If I had been in her place, I would’ve booked a ticket to Africa. And remember, she didn’t rip Danny’s throat apart because you asked her not to. God, this girl is so gay for you even people in Mars can see it!”

Laura rolled her eyes. “You make it sound all so romantic.”

“Because it is,” LaFontaine said, grinning. “You’re just too scared to see it.”

Laura glanced over at the camera, remembering that she had an audience. “And  _why_  would I be scared of a 200 year-old-vampire who steals my pillow and cookies in her free time?”

“Because you like her,” LaFontaine answered. “You might not want to but Laura, its obvious you like her.”

“And that’s enough for today,” Laura said, reaching out and switching her camera off. “I need more sugar and caffeine to deal with this crap.”

LaFontaine rubbed the top of her head the way her dad used to do. She felt a pang in her chest, missing him more than anything else on earth. If he got over his initial shock and fear over finding out that Laura was crushing on a creature of the night, he’d know what to do. He always did.

“Come on,” LaFontaine said, smiling, “Let’s watch some movies.”

.

Sometimes, when Laura had nightmares, she’d say Carmilla’s name out loud and Carmilla was  _always_  there to soothe her back into sleep. Her hand would press against the top of her head and her voice would murmur  _Laura Laura it’s okay you’re here you’re safe_ and Laura would relax, her eyes fluttering shut as she fought the darkness away. The dreams were always the same; the rising blood, the girl in the white dress ( _it was Elle, Elle who was probably going to steal Carmilla away now that she was back from the dead)_ and the pale moon. Laura only went back to sleep once she was pretty sure that Carmilla was going to vanish.

She woke up now, feeling the cold pressing on her skin, choking her and making it difficult to actually breathe. Her lips formed a name. She scrambled to a sitting position, her hand reaching out to turn on her nightlight. She rubbed her eyes, her breaths coming in shallow puffs as the light pushed away the darkness. The silence was eerie, like a cold fist coming up to grip her heart and it took her a moment to realize why. The silence meant that Carmilla wasn’t there. The silence meant that she was alone.

Tears stung the back of her eyes. She sniffed and glanced over at the camera, which she had turned on for the remainder of the night. She looked over at the clock. It read 3:06.

“God, what the hell is happening to me,” she muttered, leaning against the wall and closing her eyes. She remembered the dream; it came back to her in strong waves, throwing her off as she felt the fear, the panic, and the confusion. It twisted whatever was left of her sanity.

She didn’t want to admit it but she needed Carmilla. She needed her now more than ever. And the worst part was, admitting it to herself meant that she possibly couldn’t admit out loud, especially to a vampire.

.

“Have you seen Carmilla anywhere?” Laura asked Kirsch, who looked up from his phone. He was leaning against the wall of the hallway, possibly looking out for danger. His eyes regarded her warily.

“The hot chick who nearly bit my neck once?” Kirsch said, raising his eyebrows. “I’d rather not see her anywhere, actually.”

Laura sighed. It was frustrating. She hadn’t seen Carmilla for  _days_  now. It was as if they were back to the first time they met, when Laura hated the sight of her, because it reminded her of Betty’s disappearance. And now, Carmilla’s abrupt disappearance made her feel as if she was drowning in that sea of blood again, only this time she wasn’t going to wake up.

Kirsch sighed, peeling himself away from the wall. “I’m sorry,” he said, “I wish I could’ve helped.”

He walked away. Laura stared at his back, feeling helpless as well.

.

Laura was getting desperate.

She stared at the contents of her Lit homework, trying to ignore the camera fixed on her face. She had gotten over her initial shyness for the audience, of course, but now that Carmilla had gone, she felt as if all her past anxieties were coming back and making her feel like she was a ten year old in a sea of people, having lost touch of her father’s hand. Lost. Confused. Dazed. And yet, it was also like she was hyper aware of everything around her, of the silence that spoke of millions, of the made bed on the other side of the room, of the neatness of the floor, where there were no candy or chocolate wrappers lying around. It felt, in fact, like somebody had died in here.

And Laura wasn’t sure if it was Carmilla or her.

She was about to start writing when the door swung open behind her. Expecting it to be Perry or LaFontaine or maybe even Danny, Laura muttered, “Can you get out before I snap the door at your face?” She was not in the mood to be meddled with.

“Well, that’s not a nice way to greet your roommate,” Carmilla drawled.

Laura stiffened, her pen dropping from her fingers. Then, with a deliberate slowness that made her feel as if she was in a mine field, Laura turned around and saw the one girl she had been thinking about for the past few days. It was almost like seeing a ghost.

Carmilla looked paler than before and there were dark circles under her eyes. Her dark curls were tangled. She moved slowly as well, as if she was dragging a weight behind her. She sat down on her bed and Laura finally noticed that her boots were dripping with mud.

“Where have you been?” Laura finally got the words out. It felt as if they had been wretched from her tongue.

“Been doing stuff,” Carmilla murmured, waving her off. She pulled off her boots and laid back on her bed, running her fingers through the twists and knots of her hair. “Now, I’m going to sleep cause I haven’t slept for a while now. Don’t make too much noise, cupcake.”

The words were lodged in Laura’s throat and she forced herself to swallow them. Whatever confrontation she was expecting, it was going to have to wait. She did  _not_  need to face an annoyed Carmilla Karnstein. Still, she felt an odd sense of relief knowing that the vampire was here, knowing that she wasn’t  _alone,_  knowing that even though Elle was wrecking havoc somewhere in the west wing of Silas, Carmilla still came back.

She came home.

Laura had to wonder when she started associating Carmilla as  _home_.

.

The next day, however, when Laura opened her eyes to a new day, she saw that Carmilla was gone.

.

“I’m not jealous,” Laura repeated for the umpteenth time for the past hour.

Perry and LaFontaine both mumbled something that suspiciously sounded like, “ _Sureeeee,_ Laura.”

Sitting in her room with her two friends while trying to force herself to stop thinking about a certain vampire, Laura had found out that her blood sugar was getting considerably low so she stuffed her face with cupcakes. She was lying upside down on her bed and Perry was too busy fussing over Carmilla’s to actually reprimand her.

LaFontaine was playing  _Flappy Bird_ on their phone. “Where’s your roommate, by the way?” they asked, not taking their eyes off the screen.

Laura let out a deep breath. "Probably hiding dead bodies with her evil ex for their evil Dean mother," she muttered. 

Perry snorted. LaFontaine looked up from their phone and glanced at Laura incredulously. "And you say you're not jealous," they remarked. 

Laura closed her eyes and groaned. 

.

Laura would've never thought of Carmilla as a sight for sore eyes. 

After her usual 18-hour work day, Laura was expecting an empty room by the time she got home. She longed for her bed, for her yellow pillow and for the soft mattress underneath her body. Her limbs ached and she was unusually cranky today. Maybe it was because of the pressure of trying to get perfect A's or maybe it was because of the fear of knowing that Silas wasn't a normal school. Truth was, she was terrified but she had to push down that fear. Nobody--and she meant  _nobody_ \--had to know that she was scared. She just couldn't blurt it out in front of her audience. Somebody (particularly a vampire) might see it. 

She walked to her room, ignoring the yells of the Zetas in the next floor. Her thoughts were muddled, laced with school, Lit term papers, videos, Dean, Betty and the missing girls. ( _And of course; Carmilla, Carmilla, Carmilla)_  Occasionally, she'd think of Elle. Laura hadn't seen Elle around the campus, though. Either she was hiding in the Dean's office or she was really good at being invisible. Somehow, Carmilla had gotten good at that too. Laura missed her terribly. And it was like an ache she had to carry around in her heart.

She pushed open the door, not even raising her eyes from the ground. The lights were all turned off. All she wanted to do was get into bed and forget her problems existed. Sure, they’d still be there when she’d wake up but a few hours of sleep would be well appreciated. She shrugged off her bag and sat down on the bed, the mattress creaking under her weight. She was about to lie down when a voice from the other side of the room said,

“Look what the cat dragged in.”

Laura nearly jumped out of her skin. There was a snap of Carmilla’s fingers and the candles suddenly lit themselves. The orange glow reflected on Carmilla’s pretty and pale face as she moved from the window and towards her own bed.

“God, you’re creepy,” Laura muttered.

“Thanks, I take that as a compliment,” Carmilla drawled.

Laura’s annoyance irked. “Where have you been?” she found herself demanding.

“Been busy,” Carmilla answered smoothly.

The last time they had seen each other, Laura had been shocked speechless but now, she was angry. She had been worried _sick_ about the stupid vampire and now she was here, pretending like nothing was wrong even though _everything_ felt twisted.

“You’re going to have to do better than that,” Laura said, rising from her bed.

Carmilla was standing. Even though she was only an inch taller, she seemed to tower over the younger girl. Her already dark eyes, if possible, darkened and her lips twisted into a scowl.

“It’s none of your business, cupcake,” she said scathingly.

“It _is_ my business,” Laura snapped. Whenever she was angry, she gestured excessively and right now, her hands were moving on their own. “It became _my_ business when Betty got kidnapped and the deal got sealed when they assigned _you_ as my roommate. So, don’t give me that kind of crap. I want to know where you’ve been because since Elle is back, I am _this—_ ” she held up a hand, with her forefinger and thumb an inch apart “—close to thinking that you’re back on _their_ side.”

Carmilla seemed frozen. Then she moved so fast that Laura barely had time to inhale. One minute, they were standing a few feet apart and the next; she was so close to Laura that the younger girl could feel the absence of heat from the vampire. Carmilla’s dark eyes stared deep into her own.

Laura should’ve been scared.

But she wasn’t.

Instead, she stood her ground and glared right back.

“Is that how low you think of me?” Carmilla said, her voice dead.

“Well, if you just explained,” Laura said, biting hard on her lower lip, “then we wouldn’t be in this position right now.”

Carmilla’s jaw tightened. Then she stepped back. “I can’t,” she murmured weakly, “If I did, Elle would be—”

The name sent a painful jab straight towards Laura’s heart and she said, without thinking, “Of course. It’s _always_ about Elle.”

Carmilla stopped talking and looked at Laura almost as if this was the first she had seen her.

“Is that what this is about?” the vampire said and she let out a cold harsh laugh, the kind of laugh that reminded Laura of steel grinding against metal. “Are you _jealous_?”

“Don’t flatter yourself,” Laura snarled, feeling her cheeks burn.

“Oh, but I can’t help it.” Carmilla grinned. “The fact that Laura Hollis is jealous over an undead ex is just hilarious, really.”

“Stop it!”

“No, I won’t.” Carmilla took a step forward. All the humor had gone now. What was left was an icy resolve. “Just because you’re having a mid-life crisis right now doesn’t mean you should go on ahead blaming other people for what somebody—say, the Dean—has done to your _friend_. Elle has nothing to do with this, okay? Get that through your stubborn head.”

For a moment, Laura was speechless. But then she managed to say, “That’s not fair and you know it.”

“Tell me what this is really about, creampuff,” Carmilla continued relentlessly. “And don’t go saying it’s Elle’s fault because it isn’t.”

Laura gnawed her lower lip. She could feel the words just aching to burst from her mouth but in fairness, blurting out what she was thinking was probably not a good idea. But since Carmilla was still looking at her with that look on her face, then she couldn’t help herself.

“Ever since Elle came back, you’ve been gone for _weeks_ now,” she began. Carmilla raised her eyebrows and Laura briefly closed her eyes, continuing with, “And I can’t help but wonder if you’re going to revert back to your evil vampire ways. And I don’t want that, okay? You and I had something going on here and for you to just go crawling back to your mother just because your ex is standing with her is a half-ass reason. The truth is, I’m _terrified_ of you going back to your old self because even though I hate to admit this out loud, I _need_ you. I need you because Betty is still missing. I need you because Will and your mother are after me. I need you because—because—” _Because for the past few weeks, I realized that I love you._ God, the words. They couldn’t come out of her mouth right. She came up empty instead, ending with a few stutters that were incoherent.

Carmilla was quiet for a long time. Laura waited, watching the vampire under her eyelids.

When the silence became too unbearable, she turned away. Her heart was cracking.

“That’s it,” she said, her head hung low. “That’s it, okay?”

Before she could leave the room, Carmilla said, “Elle doesn’t change anything.”

Laura reached the door. “Thanks for letting me know,” she said, her voice shaking. _At least you’re still on our side_ , she thought. She wished she had told Carmilla what she really felt though. The words had been on the tip of her tongue but she had swallowed them back up.

She opened the door.

“Laura,” Carmilla, facing her. Laura closed her eyes. Her name on Carmilla’s tongue sounded _right._ “Wait.”

“What is it?” Laura asked, afraid to know.

Carmilla closed the distance between them. Her hand shut the door. They were inches apart and Laura could see the paleness of the vampire’s neck, could see the shape of her collarbone. Carmilla was as silent as ever. She wasn’t even breathing and the silence bothered her so much that Laura just knew that she had to say something. _Say it_ , a persistent voice in her head said _; say it now before you get scared again_.

She was about to but then Carmilla cut her off.

“Elle doesn’t change anything,” she repeated.

Laura tilted her head to the side. “You already said that,” she murmured.

“No.” Carmilla leaned forward, her eyes dipping towards Laura’s open mouth. “You don’t get it.”

Laura swallowed painfully. “What don’t I get?” she asked.

“Elle doesn’t change anything,” Carmilla whispered. “She doesn’t change the way I feel about you.”

“Oh.” Half a heartbeat passed. “How do you—? I mean, what’s your feel—? No, that’s not right, what I mean to say is—”

Carmilla kissed her.

Her lips tasted strangely of chocolates but underneath all of that, Laura could detect a hint of this metallic aftertaste. She didn’t cringe away in disgust, however. She might not have admitted it to herself but for the past few weeks, some part of her had been wondering what it’d be like to kiss Carmilla Karnstein and here she was, kissing the person that had been in her mind for who knows how long. She leaned forwards and wrapped her arms around Carmilla’s neck, closing the distance between them and pressing their bodies close. Carmilla’s hands were on her waist, steadying her and they kissed blissfully, not minding the time and the circumstances.

It was Carmilla who pulled away.

“ _That’s_ how I feel about you,” Carmilla murmured, her voice soft.

“You still haven’t answered my question,” Laura said, biting her lower lip.

Carmilla rolled her eyes and scoffed. “You are such a dork,” she said. “I’m sorry but I can’t tell you that yet. It’s a secret. But don’t worry, Elle and I aren’t a bunch of teenagers anymore. We don’ go around professing our love to each other and making out behind trees.”

“Ugh.” Laura dropped her head to Carmilla’s shoulder. “Don’t give me a mental image.”

Carmilla ran her hand across Laura’s back. “There’s no need to be jealous,” she said cheekily, “Elle was my past. You are my present and my future. Don’t forget that.”

Laura kissed her again. “I won’t,” she murmured.

“Good.”

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> this was a prompt sent to me from tumblr so if you want more, I'm heyasscroft! Thanks for taking the time to read this! Really appreciate it! :)


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